The Ode Less Travelled

"By the time you have read this book you will be able to write a Pertrarchan sonnet, a Sapphic ode, a ballade, a villanelle, and a Spenserian stanza, among many other weird and delightful forms; you will be confident with metre, rhyme and much else besides. Whether you choose to write on the stupidity of advertsing, the curve of your true love's buttocks, the folly of war or the irritation of not being able to open a pickle jar is unimportant. I will give you the tools, you can finish the job." - Stephen Fry (The Ode Less Travelled - Unlocking the Poet Within)

Well good luck with me finishing the job, Mr Fry. Seriously though, I am going to give it a good try, and while only into the first chapter I am sure to enjoy the romp. Fry writes beautifully, with much wit, and a clear affection for the language and his topic. I'd well encourage anyone interested in English and who likes using words to get hold of this book.

The great thing about Mumbai is that books are priced so well - this one at 80% of the already discounted Amazon price and at 60% of the price I'd get hold of it South Africa.

Shop Class as Soulcraft

Via Stuart Buck. I too, seriously enjoyed the article "Shop Class as Soulcraft," by Matthew Crawford, who praises the manual trades. Both as an individual and as a parent wondering how I am going to steer my children toward a fulfilled life. I loved the concluding paragraph especially the bit"cubicle-dwelling tender of information systems"

"So what advice should one give to a young person? By all means, go to college. In fact, approach college in the spirit of craftsmanship, going deep into liberal arts and sciences. In the summers, learn a manual trade. You’re likely to be less damaged, and quite possibly better paid, as an independent tradesman than as a cubicle-dwelling tender of information systems. To heed such advice would require a certain contrarian streak, as it entails rejecting a life course mapped out by others as obligatory and inevitable.".

Jewel Beach

“I have a few hours to kill”, I say to the well dressed bloke beyond the hotel desk, “Can you give me an idea of where I might spend it constructively as a tourist?”. The answer comes back “Jewel Beach. Take a riksha taxi, it should be 50 to 80 rupees for the ride”.

It’s 10am, a wave of air slaps me like hot damp towel as the turbanned doorman lets me out onto the busy street in Andheri. I’d prefer not to look like a tourist, but clearly there is no disguise that would really work for my 6 foot 1 Caucasian carcass. I catch the eye of a 3- wheeled auto riksha driver as he hoots and idles down the street looking for custom like a horny hooker. He is young, clad in muddy-olive khaki outfit. “Jewel Beach”, I yell to over the noise of the street. He nods quizzically but I hop in and in moments we are tootling down the road, dodging potholes and the general mayhem of the street.

The primary traffic rule, I hear, is that if your bumper is in front you have right of way no matter how you managed to get your bumper in front or which direction you are coming from. So whether you are crossing the traffic, doing a U-Turn, changing lanes all you need to do is edge your bumper in front of the traffic that is impeding your desired path and you are the winner. To achieve this however, you need to have nerves of steel and a loud hooter. The concept of politely waiting your turn or for a gap in the traffic does not apply – you’d still be waiting.

Anyway, back to my trip to “Jewel Beach”. About 30 minutes passes with me not knowing whether I was vaguely heading in the right direction. My life and fate in the hands of the driver. We get to the sea, and there is not a jewel in sight. The occupants of the area are stirring from their crude shelters in the mid-morning heat. My driver again quizzically asks me if this is my desired destination? How the hell should I know? I haven’t a clue where I am. I look around, clearly I’m the only whitey in miles and certainly the only person with a few thousand rupees in pocket.

I see a small sign, mainly in what I assume is Marathi script, with a small English annotation: “Juhu Beach”. Ah, no wonder the quizzical looks, Juhu not Jewel. I am in the right place but do I want to be here? What the hell. I hop off and give the driver the 50 rupees (divide by 6 and a bit to get Rands) as indicated on his meter. I have no idea whether I should tip him over and above that but hand over 3 small coins that are cluttering my wallet anyway.

My first sense is a strong draft of urine as I near the beach, it’s clearly the local latrine. The beach is decorated with two backhoe loaders clearing litter and monsoon flotsam off the beach. This is not the Cote d’Azur! I have two wide eyed ragged children asking for alms and tugging on my trouser leg, but I dismiss them in the hard-hearted manner that comes with paying too much 3rd world tax day in and day out.

OK, so the beach is not the destination. I toss a mental coin, it lands on “head left”, so I head left and up the road, clearly feeling rather conspicuous in my clean pressed shirt and pale white skin. I pass the well-walled hotels and navigate over the puddles and rubble that constitute the “pavement”.

I come across a SPAR of all things and head into its narrow aisles to grab a Coke.  Anthony Burgess was right when he wrote in his autobiography about the attributes of the substance: “with quarts of chill Coca-Cola, against which let no man say a word.” I think the pleasure of a cold Coke goes hand in hand with life in former colonies.

I’m still a little lost but enter a small shed full of displayed trinkets and fabrics. I haggle, not too successfully, with the proprietor over the price of some rather attractive bed throws and pillow cases. I walk out with 2 sets of them feeling a little short-changed, as if I could have got them cheaper – but I’m not sure if I will get a similar chance again and at Rs1500 for the lot its not exactly going to break the bank.

I trail a bit more, randomly wandering past apartments and tenements that haven't seen paint or a maintenance man since the Raj, trying to look as if I know where I'm going. Confidence being my only defence against being mugged, although I certainly don't feel too threatened by the residents here.  Time to head back as this is clearly not the most entertaining place to be, especially doing this solo. I hail another riksha, he nods at the mention of my hotel name and suburb. I hope it’s a nod of recognition and off we go. I arrive back, at the hotel, square up with the taxi driver and yes I’ve killed a few hours but now have the honest knowledge that I can get myself from A to B in this city, and more importantly that I can get myself back to A. Primed for more adventure I start paging through the city guides in the hotel room. Where to next?

The Mystery

Please pardon the soul mining and introspection that follows. I have a big decision to make in the few days, one that I've been anticipating for a long time. And even one that deterministically was predicted in an astrological forecast that I read in January this year. Strangely, there is much concurrence on this time of year and its meaning for me across the board of the astronet at present.  I quote:
1. August 28-29, 2006: Moon in Scorpio sextile Mercury in Virgo; Jupiter in Scorpio trine Uranus in Pisces.
 "Revelation" is the keyword for today. If you've been trying to come to a decision about your career future, it will come to you today - perhaps in the proverbial flash of light. Something you see, something someone says to you, or even a headline in a newspaper suddenly triggers a burst of light in your brain, and suddenly everything you need to know about your career future is totally clear to you in your mind. Needless to say, this is going to brighten your day quite a bit.

2. You seem to be discussing a very high level job, one that will require quite a bit of apprenticeship before you will feel that you have fully mastered it. It could easily be the job of a lifetime, for it will come with considerable power and responsibility. You realize that it will force you to neglect one or more family members who depend on you, and that reality may weigh on your mind now. You will have to decide whether to take it this month - hopefully, it will be so enticing that you'll easily find the answer.

3. You could take advantage of today to do some serious thinking, atw. Some decisions that concern you directly or indirectly are perhaps being made by others. It's time to get ready for the outcome of these decisions. Whether you would like to take some risks or just 'be safe' in response to these decisions, you will need the help of your strength over the next few days.

Etc, etc. I have posted previously about this oddity and scepticism of mine in reading astro forecasts but there does seem to be mass convergence of thought, stars & moons at the moment.

I have few days to make this decision and I don't believe it is entirely in my hands. But while most might turn to faith or some either ethereal source for sage advice I have found myself drawn to Tom Robbins. I stumbled accross this essay of his of which I quote a portion.

Soul is not even that Cracker Jack prize that God and Satan scuffle over after the worms have all licked our bones. That's why, when we ponder - as, sooner or later, each of us must - what exactly we ought to be doing about our souls, religion is the wrong, if conventional place to turn.

Religion is little more than a transaction in which troubled people trade their souls for temporary and wholly illusionary psychological comfort (the old "give it up in order to save it" routine). Religions lead us to believe the soul is the ultimate family jewel, and, in return for our mindless obedience, they can secure it for us in their vaults, or at least insure it against fire and theft. They are mistaken.

If you need to visualize the soul, think of it as a cross between a wolf howl, a photon, and a dribble of dark molasses. But what it really is, as near as I can tell, is a packet of information. It's a program, a piece of hyperspatial software designed explicitly to interface with the Mystery. Not a mystery, mind you, the Mystery. The one that can never be solved.

So where does that leave one? Stuck with the unsolvable Mystery? I don't know, but I have the optimism of an always-half-full beer glass to pull me through.

The Wit of Tom Robbins

I was thinking how I was struggling to describe my current surroundings and remembered this quote.
“Using words to describe magic is like using a screwdriver to cut roast beef” - Tom Robbins.

Lots more of Tom's wit here. I love the guy and have been wanting to start a Jo'burg chapter of the C.R.A.F.T Club for ages (after leaving one behind in Cape Town).

 It's not magic that I'm trying to describe, but rather awe. I think the sentiment applies to both.

Mumbai

Where does one even begin with trying to describe the place? I think that the overriding vision I have has to do with the traffic. Picture a rugby maul, with 7 million people on each team, hooting simultaneously as it spins on with each team member in a 3 wheeled yellow & black auto riksha.

I have this vision in my head of the place, steamy potholed roads and obstacle course pavements. Humanity heaving and weaving through life. Mass microcapitalism. Squalor. Wealth. A population resigned to its plight.

I need to say so much more but can't yet string the words together that spell out the image that is imprinted with amazement and awe on my brain. I trust and hope I will capture this image in words over time, with the help of Kingfisher Premium Lager Beer, 5% alc vol, packaged in a practical 650ml bottle, "India's best selling premium lager". But even photographs can't do it justice so I am not sure that words will either.

Clint Eastwood ?s Ten Rules a Man Should Live By

1. Call your own shots.  
2. Be fearless.  
3. Keep moving.  
4. Love your job.  
5. Speak softly.  
6. Don’t be predictable. 
7. Find a good woman.
8. Learn to play the piano. 
9. You are what you drive.
10.Avoid extreme make-overs.

Maintenance

I have now lived in my new house for two weeks. The place is a barn compared to anything I've ever had before with acres of space that has swallowed our humble furniture and belongings and still, despite the strewn chaos of unpacked boxes still has space for more.

The joint fears of imminent interest rate hikes and instalment debt in general I have steadfastly refused to extend myself beyond the lowest possible 7 figure mortgage bond I could get (as negotiated by my mortgage broker). This is despite being offered more credit than I could possibly ever afford to pay back in my lifetime.

Mrs Wit is not too impressed by this steadfast refusal of mine because, of course, the bathrooms & kitchen clearly need redoing, it would be great if we knocked out this wall, filled in that door, replaced the 80's aluminium sliding doors that seem to run on rails of sand & glue with something better, made this more open plan, get rid of the choclate-porno-brown sanitaryware in the guest toilet, and of course put in the freestanding gas-electric stove. Not to mention cutting back the rampant garden, removing the palm trees, building a new exterior wall, getting the alarm system to work, ripping out the obsessive "panic-room style" trellis doors, getting the automated garage door to open above waist height (maybe I should buy a low slung Porsche?).

It is clear to me that the many things have not been attended to for years. I still can't find the switch to the world war two searchlight that glares over our backyard each night and into our as yet uncurtained bedroom. (I have resolved this by switching off an entire circuit on the mains board). The irrigation system sprouts water at random all over the place through the leaks in the pipes & the water timer switch that governs it requires a PhD in Irrigation Technology to operate.

The neighbours have a 2 pine trees as tall the Twin Towers and I've seriously considered contracting al queda to inflict a similar fate upon them. They provide winter shade over half the back yard and provide enough pine needles to terrify and clog up the pool barracuda hourly.

It still feels like someone else's place, even after putting up my large Klimt print on the lounge wall.  But I do want to do these things to be fixed and renovated into our style, and ultimately think I will get to them when I've caught up with 5 year backlog of maintenance on the place. So I resolved to get the plans of the place from the city planning department so that we can plot our attack plan. To the uninitiated one would assume that retrieving these plans would be an arduous process of standing in grubby queues, convincing someone that your property actually exists, that you actually exist, that your suburb even exists. Then one would place an order, after paying an exorbitant fee and obtaining a receipt from a cashier half way across town, and then being told to return in 3 weeks to stand in the same queue and collect the said plans. Not so. This is how it actually works. Drive up Loveday Street, look for the parking, drive around the block 3 times until you see the red one way sign that you've been told about. Follow the sign and the directions of the yellow-bibbed car guards. Park. Pay the guard R5 to put in the meter if she wants to. Enter the building, sign in, put your bag through the metal detector. Head to the 6th floor. Go straight to the counter. Smile. Fill in a request form with your property details. Wait two minutes for the man to return with the Microfiche film of you plans. Have a look at them on the screen. Tell him which pages you would like. He prints them then & there. Head back to the ground floor, pay the cashier R10 and get receipt. Head back to 6th floor and retrieve the printed plans. Get out of the building, find the bakkie & head home. All of 15 minutes effort! So naysayers some things in this town do work.

Also it's great to know now what the strange room behind the kitchen was intended for. I still have no idea why not one room in the house is truly rectangular, or why the interleading doorways are arched but I know that this will be a place that I will truly come to think of as home. I just need to convince Mrs Wit of that.

Logical Conundrum

I read somewhere that Bertrand Russell was impressed when an admirer knocked on his door and presented him with a scrap of paper with the words, "The statement on the other side of this paper is false", printed on one side of the paper and "The statement on the other side of this paper is true"

But if this statement is true then it can't be false now, can it?

Aha, the full story is here.

The ultimate bachelor TV dinner

This news is a a few months old but I remain amazed. Ready made beans-on-toast!

According to The Guardian:
"The struggle to produce the world's best beans on toast has entered a new phase with the first ready-made sandwich version, which is designed to be cooked in a toaster for about 60 seconds. The invention features a wodge of beans sealed in their frozen sauce between two slices of bread."

In other news: I have been on a few days leave and have been dragged back in kicking and screaming to wrap some stuff up before I head off to Asia for 3 weeks on an assignment. I'm not sure to what extent I'll be able to blog from that part of the world given other bloggers recent experience in India. But never fear, in the famous words of Arnold Schwarzenegger "I'll be back." So hang in there.

Going Turkey

My daughter aged 4 and a half (and she insists on the half) has been asking some tough questions of late.

Recently I've been stumped by: "Who made God?" and "What are the red bits on a turkey called?".

I remain stumped by the first question, and have been reluctant to enter into a debate as to the existence of god at this stage of her life. I'd rather bring her up to believe and then go through her own torture of embracing or rejecting religion (is that cruel?).

But thanks to the ubiquitous power of google I do now know that :
Turkeys have several oddly named appendages: the caruncle, snood, wattle and beard. A caruncle is a red fleshy growth on the head and upper neck of the turkey, a snood is the red fleshy growth from the base of the beak which hangs over the side of the beak, and a wattle is the red, loose appendage at the turkey's neck.

So now you know too.

Another question (Do I use brackets as a punctuation tool too much?)

Trinations Home Leg

The Bok TriNations Home leg squad has a couple of very positive inclusions, notably Ruan Pienaar, Jean De Villiers, Andre Pretorius and BJ Botha. These are key personnel and I think will make a substantial diiference. Especially Botha at prop where we have been exposed down under, and with DeVilliers who has the ability to break the gainline which has been a sorely lacking attribute of the current backline. I do have a concern that Pienaar will just be a bag carrier, much like many other recent well-deserved, "heave a sigh of relief, FINALLY" selections like Chilliboy, Brent Russell & Meyer Bosman. Hey and what-ho no Watson. I am glad. Never fear, he will play in the World Cup but he is not the panacea for the teams current difficulties right now. If he were to be selected now  he will be set up to fail.

My prediction for the starting XV for the Loftus game vs NZ on the 26 August. (come and test me in 2 weeks).
15. Pretorius
14. Ndungane
13. Fourie
12. De Villiers
11. Habana
10. James
9. Du Preez
8. Van Niekerk
7. Smith
6. Tyibilika
5. Matfield
4. Muller
3. Botha
2. Smit
1. Du Randt

Luke Watson for fullback

It's maverick, yes but desperate times call for desperate measures and with the continuing Cape press on the Luke Watson agenda. and considering Monty's poor form of late perhaps Jake should pick Watson at fullback? Solly Tyibilika is playing a good game at present and let's be frank, the team needs every flashy black player it can get at present. Watson might well make a great fullback and is unlikely to be as tempted to kick away possession.

But, pray tell me, what on earth could this so-called agenda against Luke Watson be. I cannot come up with one idea that fits comfortably with my idea of who Jake White is that aligns itself with any sinister motive. And as for him being held responsible by the selectors for the past actions of his father, come on!

I posted this pic of me idling my way home in the Friday pm traffic previously , but deleted it because it ruined my blog formatting. Given the seriousness of my last few posts I think it deserves to return.

I do have a serious question though. Is this behaviour illegal, and if so under what section of the law? It is one beer and there is no way that I am exceeding the blood alcohol limit at all. It is to me, legally no different from drinking a can of coke on the way home, only more refreshing.

On being chilled

"The degree of one's emotion varies inversely with one's knowledge of the facts - the less you know the hotter you get" - Bertrand Russell (1872-1970).

I do think people that are emotional act on impulse without giving themselves the time to garner or process knowledge. Applying a bit of logic to this. I'm rarely 'hot' to use Russell's phrase. In fact, I'm generally rather chilled about things. Is it because I think and know stuff? Is it because I know that it's pointless getting irate in the traffic? Or is it just because I'm a cold and unemotional bastard? Hopefully not the latter.

So with apologies to Descartes, perhaps : "I think therefore I am chilled" would be an appropriate maxim.

An model for ethical decision making

Many organisations and institutions have developed what could be called simple or lay Ethical Decision Making Tools. These can be regarded colloquially as “rules of thumb’. (a comprehensive list of these can be found at this internet site: http://www.kardasz.org/Decision_Making_Tools.html ).

Examples of these (sourced from the above site) are:
The ACT model:
“A” – Alternatives – Identify all choices
“C” – Consequences – Project Outcomes
“T” – Tell your story – Prepare your defence

An Ethics Check
Is it legal?
Is it balanced? (Is the decision fair, or will it heavily favour one party over another)
How will it make me feel about myself?

Bell, Book and Candle
Bell – Does the decision or action sound right?
Book – Does the decision violate any written laws, rules or policies?
Candle – How will the decision look when exposed to the “light of day” or public scrutiny?

Glenn Coleman, the Manager of Ethics Communication and Education for Texas Instruments developed and uses the following quick test  for employees to decide on the ethicality of a business action, which I rather like. (source www.ti.com)
1.Is it legal? If not, then don't do it.
2.Is it consistent with the company's stated values? Texas Instruments has a clearly stated set of corporate values. Actions that don't fit with them shouldn't be undertaken.
3.If you do it, will you feel bad? If so, there's probably something wrong.
4.How would it look in the newspapers? If having people "find out" will be embarrassing, there's a problem.
5.Do you think it's wrong? If so, don't do it.
6.If you're not sure-ask. Never feel you have to make a decision on ethics by yourself. Get help from others.
7.If you don't get a clear answer, keep asking until you do. Don't fudge an ethical problem by saying you "tried" to get help but couldn't. Keep asking-the boss, the company's lawyers, human resources personnel-until you get a clear answer.

Over and above these models a number of more comprehensive checklists, questionnaires and flowchart models exist.  

A recent project in the Master's degree that I'm reading for required that we develop our own model.

I first created a complex web of flowcharts and decision bubbles, but soon was more entangled and confused than when I had set out so I came up with this simple device.

Act as if you are looking in the eye, and shaking the hand* of those affected by your decision. If you do not feel uncomfortable in this situation then you are acting ethically.

There may admittedly be a fair bit of leg work in understanding just who those folk are that are affected by your decision and how much information you need to provide them so that you feel comfortable but I figured simple was best. My rationalisation for relying on gut instinct over a step-by-step process relied on a ee cummings poem:

since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

*Alternate cultures may have different rituals that approximate the Western handshake in nature. This could be a mutual bow, the smoking of a shared pipe or drinking from a mutual gourd. My concept of handshake is taken to include all similar rituals.

But what about the ethics of blogging?

This research paper has an interesting discussion on the history of blogs and includes examples of possible blogger's codes.

When I look at the work being done by Neil Watson and my friend The Real Realist I wonder how my ethical device (replacing the word 'decision' by 'blog post' would work , or do they sleep well at night in the knowledge that they are only considering a small minority of those affected by the forum and one-sided photography that they respectively provide?

Minimum Wage

Megan McArdle (I'm not sure where Glenn Reynolds has gone to?) has this post on Instapundit discussing the weaknesses of minimum wage policy.

While she is referring to the US tax policies this comment is only too relevant in South Africa. :"It [minimum wage] does a lousy job of targeting poverty, because most of the people who get it aren't poor, and most of the people who are poor don't get it. To the extent that it does help the poor, it often does so by transferring money from other poor people-those who lose jobs due to the higher minimum wage, and those who shop at places that pay the minimum wage."

In some ways it is a pity that unions hold such sway in our government that there is a sense of political incorrectness to even considering or suggesting that we should abolish the minimum wage in South Africa.

Following some of the links takes one to this NBER Digest article where an alternative to minimum wage policy, the Earned Income Tax Credit (EITC), is lauded as follows:  
"the EITC now lifts more children out of poverty than any other government program. In 2002, it removed 4.9 million people, including 2.7 million children from poverty. Advocates see it as promoting the values of both family and work. Traditional welfare programs, according to their critics, do the opposite."

Clearly this is a debate that should enter our political lexicon. Not so much whether EITC would work here - because to benefit from a tax credit  one must be paying tax in the first place which most minimum wage workers do not do (beyond the prohibitive flat rate of VAT that we all subjected to)...Hey... maybe those workers could get a VAT refund?..but that would be impossible to police.

What I am saying is that minimum wage is not the answer, and creative alternatives should be investigated.

Kafka-esque Chemical McCarthyism

Floyd Landis's defence against his doping charge in the Tour de France is rather interesting.  He'd had a bit to drink ("2 beers & at least 4 shots of whisky") and this accordingly pumped up his testoterone levels beyond acceptable levels. And there are studies that prove this could be possible. ...Imagine the pleasure of the study subjects having to drink in the interest of furthering science.

I loved this comment in the above article:
The apparent sensitivity of the testosterone test's numbers to alcohol consumption, and the announcement of partial test results without full disclosure by the cycling union, has created a milieu for cyclists that is "almost Kafka-esque," Dr. Davis said. "The phrase often bandied about is 'chemical McCarthyism'." It's quite true - no matter what the final outcome of this  is - Landis's reputation will forever be tainted by this accusation...(a la Cobus Visage)

But now I know why, when I've had 2 beers and at least 4 whiskies I feel so amorous and indestructible. As Wikipedia spells out: the benefits of testosterone "include enhanced libido, energy, immune function, and protection againstosteoporosis." No bones about it.

I wonder what effect it has on women?